You've Got Fail Page 7

  The right word finally bubbled its way to the surface. “Exquisite.”

  She cocked her head to the side. “Hmm?”

  “That’s what I meant to say earlier. You look exquisite.”

  Her smile broke wide and genuine, and a faint blush crept up the sides of her neck. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Finally, I’d managed to pull my head out of my ass.

  “I knew you could do it, Sparky,” she teased.

  We pulled up in a line of cars dropping people off at the front of the venue. It had been quite some time—perhaps not since college—that I’d gone to an event with so many people. Sitting in my pajamas and blogging didn’t require interaction with actual humans. What if they tried to talk to me? I swallowed hard.

  “You all right?” She peered at me as we rolled forward, growing ever closer to the drop-off area that was crowded with photographers and onlookers.

  “I’m good.” The sweat mustache may have given me away.

  She grabbed my hand. “It’ll be easy. We just talk and schmooze. Good food, free booze, and on top of that—celebrities. You can blog about them, right?”

  “I’ll do a blog entry about the event, yeah.”

  “See? This is like a research trip for you.” She squeezed my hand.

  I squeezed back. “You keep surprising me.”

  “Don’t get too excited.” She leaned closer. “You may have to keep a close eye on me lest I lift a few wallets.”

  I shook my head. “You better not.”

  “Why? You going to spank me if I misbehave?”

  My cock had been minding its own business for the most part. Until that. And then he wanted in on the action.

  “I might.” I moved closer, invading her space.

  She didn’t lean back, just kept giving me the look that I’d quickly learned meant mischief. “Would I be on all fours, or would you put me over your knee?”

  I groaned and reached for her.

  The door opened, letting in the noise of the crowd.

  Scarlet took the attendant’s proffered hand and stood, leaving me with a hard-on right when I had to walk through a gauntlet of photographers.

  Linda’s word eddied around in my mind. “Fucking swimmingly,” I said under my breath as I stepped from the limo.

  Scarlet’s eyes danced as she took my elbow. “Don’t be mad.”

  “Mad?” I tightened my elbow against my body, pulling her closer. “That’s not quite the word I’d use to describe my current predicament.”

  She snorted as we moved forward in the arrival line. “Really?”

  “You can’t bring up spanking and think nothing will come of it.”

  “You are positively punny this evening.” She smiled as we arrived at the red carpet leading to the theatre’s entrance.

  “Real cute.” I walked her up the slight slope as the cameras clicked on either side of us. At the top, I gave our names to the usher, who then showed us inside.

  The wide interior hinted at a spacious theater glimpsed through the wide double doors to our left. Ahead of us, a glittery mix of people in cocktail attire drank and chatted around several tables set for dining.

  “Fancy.” Scarlet walked ahead of me, the fabric of her dress stretching across her mouth-watering ass. What sort of panties was she wearing under there? I didn’t see a line. Maybe a thong? Or maybe—I swallowed hard—no panties?

  “Scarlet.”

  She and I both turned as a man cut through the crowd toward us. No, not just a man. It was the guy I’d seen her talking to at the gallery.

  “Todd, hi.” She accepted his embrace, and I balled my hands into fists to keep from pulling her away from him.

  Then he turned to me for a handshake. “You again? Your boyfriend sure seems to loan you out a lot.”

  I shook and did the idiotic “I-can-squeeze-harder-because-me-MAN” thing like a twatwaffle.

  He winced and pulled his hand away before returning his attention to Scarlet. “You look breathtaking this evening.”

  “Thanks.” She dropped her gaze to the floor, but I was pleased to see that she didn’t blush under his compliment the way she’d done for mine.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” He rested his hand on her elbow and winked at me. “Don’t worry. I’ll have her back in a moment.”

  I plastered a fake smile on my face. “Sure. Just let me tell her a little something.” Leaning down to her, I whispered in her ear, “You’re allowed to steal this jackass’s wallet.” When I pulled back, she rose up on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek, a sweet smile on her devious lips. “Thank you, Sparky. I certainly will.”

  They wandered away through the crowd, but I kept my eyes on her. She did the same, throwing a look over her shoulder when they stopped at the bar set up along the wall of the atrium. Todd talked to her, but she wasn’t tuned in to his nonsense. I smirked as I recalled he’d emailed me, thinking it was the way to get to Scarlet. Included his phone number and everything. I pulled my cell from my pocket and texted Elias.

  Willis: You being ravaged by the she-demon?

  Elias: Soon. She’s burning some dinner at the moment. It’s a new part of her mating dance. I only hope it doesn’t end with her biting my head off and devouring my body slowly.

  Willis: Gross. Can you do me a favor?

  Elias: Sure.

  Willis: I’m going to forward you an email. From a Todd. Make sure he’s signed up for every offer from Jizzlywinks and its partners.

  Elias: Even the Daddy Bear site?

  Willis: Especially that one.

  I flipped over to my email program and sent him the information. Todd and Scarlet drank at the bar, Todd creeping too close. I smiled as I saw her hand slipping along his lapel, doing her sticky-fingered magic. After a few minutes, Elias responded.

  Elias: Done. He should be getting some uber-masculine, hardcore bearman-on-bearman porn delivered within the next few minutes.

  Willis: Thanks, man.

  Elias: I love my job. Enjoy your fancy party and make sure you at least get to second base tonight. And send pics. Or maybe do a puppet show re-enacting it all. Yeah, that would be cool. Shit, gotta go. She says dinner’s ready and the smoke alarm is going off.

  Willis: Night.

  Elias: Yep. Fuck you.

  I grabbed a drink from a passing tray and edged closer to Scarlet over the course of a few minutes. Starlets passed in front of me, their dresses daring or confusing—sometimes a mix of both—but none of them could compare to the red-headed goddess at the bar.

  The noise bounced off the marble floor, amplifying hundreds of voices, and the air was scented with food, a variety of perfumes, and infrequently, a bit of human funk. Even rich people forgot deodorant sometimes, apparently.

  “Sparky?” A hand landed on my back in a friendly pat. “That you?”

  I turned to find myself eye to eye with Commander Reptilian. “Hey.”

  “I thought that was you.” He smiled, his Hollywood good looks lighting up his face as his southern drawl rolled over me. “How you doing?”

  “Good, I guess.”

  “Scarlet here?”

  I bristled. “Yes.” I already had enough trouble with Todd. I didn’t need more competition from the too-perfect star in front of me. Inner fanboy gasps at my daring to challenge Commander Reptilian.

  “Cool. She’s a nice girl.”

  Scarlet was a lot of things. A “nice girl” wasn’t one of them.

  I eyed him, puffing out my chest with every bit of masculinity I possessed. “She’s something.”

  “Hey.” He dropped his voice and leaned closer. “I’m not after your girl, okay? I could tell you two had some sort of crazy chemistry the other day at Linda’s.”

  I let out a breath and scratched my chin. “Thank god.” (Look, I was smitten, not delusional. There was no way I could compete with Commander Reptilian.)

  “No worries, man.”

  I yanked at my collar. “I wouldn�
��t say I was worried or anything.”

  “Cool, man. Cool.” He pulled his phone from his pocket. “I like you.”

  Fanboy melts. I had no response to that except an awkward surge of excitement.

  “Let’s get together for a game sometime. You like football?”

  “College or NFL?” I asked.

  “I prefer college.”

  I tried not to squee. “Me too. Go Irish.”

  “Roll Tide.” He elbowed me and grinned. “I’ve got a boss big screen at my apartment. We can watch the Tide tear it up when the season starts.”

  I was quite proud of my own TV. Seventy-five inches of masculine excitement and bragging rights. “How many inches you got?” I was more than prepared to one-up whatever measurement he spat out.

  “Eighty-five.” He played it off, but I could feel the pride rolling off him.

  “Damn.” I let out a low whistle as we swapped phone numbers. He was serious about his screen. Respect.

  “I’ll hit you up around kickoff in the fall if I’m in town.” He stowed his phone. “So where is Scarlet?”

  I motioned toward the bar with my champagne flute. “Talking to that douche.”

  “Whoa.” He nodded. “He looks like a Summer’s Eve.”

  My Commander Reptilian fan-level kicked up into the bromance stratosphere. Inner fanboy is pleased. “Yeah, that’s him. Ready to restore some lucky lady’s pH balance.”

  He grinned. “You took it a little too far, but I’ll let it slide.” He cut his eyes back to Todd and Scarlet. “Want me to go break it up?”

  “No.” I downed my drink. “I’ll handle it.”

  “I’ll be your wingman.” He reached out and grabbed the hand of a blonde in a glittering dress and pulled her toward him. “Babe, I’ll be back in a bit.”

  She stared up at him with big doe eyes. “Don’t stay gone too long.”

  “No way.” He gave her a kiss that had more than a few people nearby twittering, then smacked her ass and sent her back to the small group of what must have been models she’d been speaking with.

  “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

  He smirked. “I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t sample here and there.” He straightened his shoulders, and I was secretly pleased that we were almost a match in size. The bromance was truly sizzling. “Ready, man.”

  “Let’s do this.” I marched through the throng of movie stars, models, and high society glitterati that ruled the city. When we reached Scarlet, Todd had apparently just told a shitty joke, because she was fake laughing like it was her job.

  “How’s it going?” I leaned past Scarlet and grabbed another flute of champagne from the table.

  “Great.” Todd sized up Commander Reptilian—err, Jason.

  I ran my hand along Scarlet’s lower back and she leaned into me. Did she even know she’d done it?

  “Hey, Jason.” She smiled up at him. “I didn’t take you for a ballet fan.”

  “My date loves it.” He shrugged. “If she wants to come here and show off for her friends, I got no problem with that.”

  “Oh, I thought you were with Willis.” Todd smiled, his toothy grin begging to be punched.

  “We’re friends. All three of us, actually.” Jason motioned to Scarlet, me, and himself.

  Todd frowned and reached in his pocket to pull out his phone. I eased closer and peeked, then failed at stifling a laugh.

  Todd reddened and stuffed his phone—which had an image of two bear-men going at it—back into his pocket. He shot me a look. “I don’t know what that was.”

  I shrugged. “Different strokes for different folks.”

  He winced. “No, I mean I’m not—”

  “Scarlet!” A woman with unruly black hair edged into our circle. “I thought I saw you across the way.” She wore what looked to be a bright pink sweat suit that had been bedazzled with a designer logo across the chest.

  “Hi.” Scarlet’s face brightened. “Everyone, this is Jina. She’s the head lifestyle blogger over at the New York Daily News.”

  I coughed. “Jina?” She’d said it as Gyna. Not Geena.

  Scarlet’s lips thinned. “Yes, Jina.”

  Jason nodded in agreement with the pronunciation, irritation creasing his brow. “That’s her all right.” His tone matched the look on his face—clipped.

  “Nice to meet you all.” The lifestyle blogger kept her focus on Scarlet. “So, about that article I wanted to do on you. Have you thought about it?”

  Scarlet glanced at me.

  “She’d love to.” I pulled her against my side, her curves melting into me.

  “And who’s this?” Jina turned her close-set eyes my way.

  “Willis.” I held out my hand.

  She shook with a better grip than Todd, so I liked her despite her sparkle sweats.

  “Willis is her gay assistant.” Todd offered.

  “Right.” I forced a tight smile. “And Todd’s got the world record for the most teeth in one mouth.”

  Todd stared at me like I’d spoken in tongues, and Scarlet faked a cough to hide her laugh.

  Jina didn’t seem to catch the insult, and gave Jason a small nod. “Good to see you again.”

  “Yeah, I bet.” Jason’s biting sarcasm made the awkward ring of fire around us burn even hotter. “Thanks for that review of my last play.”

  She put a hand on her hip. “I reviewed your performance well. The material was crap, and you know it. Your Aliens Versus Vampires roles give you more meat than that paltry puff piece.”

  “Those are great. I love them. Vocknar Fleet for life,” Inner fanboy blurted.

  Jason ignored me (thank god) and shook his head. “Van worked hard on that script, and you ripped it to shreds in front of everyone in the city.” His voice carried, hushing the attendees around us. Commander Reptilian had no problem making a scene.

  Jina didn’t give an inch. “I reviewed it fairly. If you have a problem, then I suggest you take a more critical eye to the roles you’re off—”

  Scarlet chirped up, her smooth voice cutting through the rising discord. “I have an idea.”

  Jina paused, and she, as well as the closest spectators, focused on Scarlet.

  “Instead of an interview, how about we do a little bit of blog magic right here, right now?”

  “What do you mean?” Jina narrowed her eyes.

  “I mean that someone here right now could use some great advice from Scarlet Rocket. Instead of a boring one-on-one, how about you watch me work?”

  I tightened my fingers at Scarlet’s waist. She was playing a dangerous game. I was the one who gave the advice. But surely she had a plan. Surely.

  Jina relaxed, her hand leaving her bony hip. “That might be interesting.”

  Alarm bells went off inside me as Jina smiled, her hunger for a pithy headline—and a possible public scorching—leeching into the air around us. Shit. This could turn into a disaster in front of who I’d just learned was a harsh critic. “I don’t know if this is the right venue for that.” I stared down at Scarlet. “I’m sure no one wants to get into relationship or sex issues at this swank event.”

  “I do.” A woman stepped up, her black party dress exploding into a burst of sequined bows along the skirt.

  “All right.” Scarlet held her hands out. “What’s your name?”

  “Gary.”

  I canted my head to the side. “Come again?” Somehow, I’d entered the naming convention twilight zone.

  “Gary.” She shrugged. “My parents wanted to beat stereotypical gender roles.”

  “That’s a perfectly fine name.” Scarlet elbowed me and said, “So what can I do for you, Gary?”

  Even more people nearby hushed, and all eyes turned toward the circle with the movie star, the blogger, the shark-mouthed man, and the imposter.

  “First, I love your blog.” Gary smiled, the gap between her front teeth stylish or hickish, depending on what school of thought you were.

  �
��Thanks.”

  Fresh-faced and bursting with youth, Gary seemed no older than twenty. That boded well for a softball question. Her experience had to be limited, based on her age. Scarlet could wing it. I didn’t relax, but I wasn’t all the way to high alert. This could work.

  Jina pulled her phone out and began rapidly typing, looking up occasionally.

  “Second, my question is this: I’ve been with this guy for six months. He’s great, thoughtful, good looking, and smart.”

  I took a breath and waited for the “but.” Any sort of positive declaration like that was inevitably followed by a “but”. Gary shifted from one heeled foot to the other, then pinned Scarlet with a direct look. That’s when I noticed it. Gary had the crazy eyes. A little too wide open, definitely glassy, and the irises fully visible. I knew those eyes. I’d dated a girl in college with them. That ended with her standing on my table in the cafeteria in her underwear while threatening to burn down my dorm. Her maniacal giggle still echoed through my mind in nightmares.

  A refrain of “fuck” played on repeat in my mind as Gary stared at Scarlet with those wide-open baby doll eyes. And not the cute baby dolls. I’m talking the ones from horror movies. The ones with knives, a pack of matches, and a desperate need for vengeance. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

  “All right.” Scarlet said with an encouraging note. She didn’t sense the danger. “So, what’s the problem?”

  Gary blinked. “His ex-girlfriend.”

  I edged closer to Scarlet, but she was focused on Gary. This train was heading off the cliff, and all I could do was hold on.

  “What about her?”

  “She lives in California now. But I feel like they’re still connected. Like she’s communicating with him, you know?”

  A few girls behind Jina shook their heads in disapproval.

  Scarlet frowned in a comforting way. “He still talks to her?”

  Gary shook her head. “No.”

  “So, do they text or something?”

  “No.”

  Scarlet shot me a look. My hands were tied, and not in the fun “let’s experiment with BDSM” sort of way.

  “Then why do you think they’re still connected?”

  The creepy baby doll eyes widened, the crazy in full effect. Oh fuck, here it comes.