You've Got Fail Read online

Page 8


  Gary twisted her fingers together. “Have you ever, you know, gone down on a guy but when you stop sucking and just stare at it, you hear something?”

  Jina stopped typing and peered over her phone at Gary.

  Scarlet slowly tucked her hair behind her ears. Buying time. It wouldn’t help. I had no answer for the crazy Gary was slinging. Scarlet had to keep going. Like any unpleasant situation, the only way out was through.

  “Okay, so.” Scarlet folded her hands in front of her. “What do you mean by ‘something’? What do you hear?”

  Gary pinched her lips to one side, then said, “Like a voice.”

  “A voice?” Jason turned to me, his eyes dancing with laughter. “Did she just say she heard a voice out of her boyfriend’s dickhole?”

  “Shh.” Scarlet held up her hand in Jason’s face.

  “Yes, ma’am.” He stowed his laughter but still gave me an incredulous look.

  I didn’t laugh, though I would’ve liked to hurl. Scarlet had to appear sympathetic, but also put Gary’s worries about talking dicks to rest. A tightrope walk with an audience. And my blog’s reputation rested solely on her ability to keep her balance.

  “Gary, whose voice do you hear?”

  Gary stepped closer and dropped her tone. “Hers. It’s hers. I think maybe she’s staking her claim on him through his penis. Does that ever happen?”

  Gary’s special brand of crazy went through the crowd like a shockwave. All chatter within earshot of Gary stopped, and dozens of sets of eyes turned to her. Unmitigated disaster.

  Scarlet took a deep breath and put her hands on Gary’s shoulders. “I once read a long time ago that certain cultures could cast a spell to haunt a body part. Did his ex-girlfriend happen to come from a wealthy family?”

  “Yes.” Gary’s eyes widened. “How did you know that?”

  “Trust me. Something like what you’re describing would cost a good deal of money to accomplish. She’d have to meet with a practitioner of that particular art, and that’s not cheap.”

  I cringed inwardly. This was not going well. Not at all. The proper advice was to tell her to speak to her therapist, because that was some batshit nuttiness. Scarlet was encouraging the delusion, and there was nothing I could do to stop her. The sweat mustache was back and joined by its brothers in discomfort, the sweaty palms.

  “So, it’s her?” Gary put her hand to her mouth. “I knew it! She’s been talking to him through his dick. Maybe when he’s asleep or when I’m not around.” Her crazy eyes watered in panic. “What do I do?”

  “Hmm.” Scarlet tapped her finger on her chin. “The curse itself is pricy. Luckily, the cure is easy and cheap.”

  “Really? What is it?” Gary grabbed Scarlet’s forearm. “Oh my god, do I have to cut it off?”

  Jason groaned, and the men nearby shifted uncomfortably. My cock, already in little guy mode from the panic-inducing crazy eyes—switched over to invisible guy mode. Todd edged away from Gary, his shark teeth frozen in an awkward smile.

  “No!” Scarlet shook her head. “Of course not.”

  “Oh, good. I’m not supposed to use anything that might be deemed a weapon. There was this misunderstanding in college, you see, where my boyfriend claimed I’d tried to cut off his third nipple because—”

  “Do you have any garlic?” Scarlet drew Gary’s focus back to the clusterfuck of now instead of the one of yesteryear.

  “Maybe. I can ask our cook.”

  “Great. Get some. Once your boyfriend falls asleep tonight, stuff the garlic under the mattress in the general area where the offending body part is. The smell of the garlic will close the door she opened with the spell. In the morning, the connection will be broken.”

  Tears gleamed in Gary’s eyes. “Oh my god. Thank you so much!” She clutched Scarlet’s hand and squeezed.

  “And one more thing you should do. To keep everything on the up and up, you need to address this at your next doctor’s visit. Or if you have a therapist or someone you talk to. Have it documented, you know? In case something comes up about it later.”

  “Right.” Gary nodded. “I can do that. I go to a therapist twice a week.” She blinked the doll eyes slowly. “Not that I’m crazy or anything.”

  I had no doubt Gary’s follow-up laugh would also haunt my dreams for years to come.

  Scarlet smiled and patted her on the arm. “Of course you’re not. Just explain all this on your next visit, and I think you’ll be on the right road.”

  Scarlet had salvaged it. It wasn’t good, but she managed to get in the therapy angle at the very last minute. I couldn’t look at Jina, though I sensed her thumbs flying across her screen in my peripheral vision.

  Gary wiped at the corners of her eyes. “Thanks again. So much. This has been so, so helpful.”

  “Of course.” Scarlet stepped back, the spotlight around her fading as people went back to their own chatter. “Thanks for the question.”

  A man strode up and took Gary’s hand. “Hey, babe. You ready to head out?”

  All the men who’d heard Gary’s tale pitied the shit out of that poor guy. He clearly had no idea his ex had been using his dick as a conduit to ruin his current relationship.

  Gary gave Scarlet a hug, then took her boyfriend’s arm and let him lead her toward the door.

  “Good luck.” Scarlet waved them away.

  As soon as Gary was out of earshot, Jason let out a guffaw. “What in the ever-loving fuck was that?”

  “The crazy eyes on that one.” Todd looked two seconds away from making the sign of the cross.

  Jina stopped typing and stowed her phone in her sweats. “Thank you.” Her face impassive, she turned and strode off through the throng of beautiful people.

  I did the only thing that seemed appropriate—grabbed two flutes of champagne and downed one after the other as Scarlet frowned at me.

  10

  Scarlet

  Willis almost toppled into a gaggle of models. Jason caught his arm and set him upright before any runway careers were shattered.

  “Watch out, big guy.” Jason patted him on the back.

  Willis tried to straighten his glasses. He was a darling drunk, but it was time for us to leave. He’d begun sucking down drinks as soon as Jina walked away from us. I’d done the best I could with Gary, but even I could tell that maybe I should have tried a different, non-garlicky tack.

  “Could you help me get him to a cab?” I asked Jason.

  “Yeah, no problem.” Jason wrapped his arm around Willis’s shoulder. “Let’s blow this taco stand.”

  “Commander.” Willis nodded and let Jason lead him through the crowd. “Long live the Vocknar Fleet.”

  I followed and eyed the myriad opportunities to snag wallets and jewelry. But I’d promised Willis I wouldn’t. Damn it. Not that he’d know if I just snagged a bracelet or two. I reached for a golden bangle on a woman near the door, but pulled back at the last second.

  Willis was ruining my mojo.

  The cool night air kissed my skin as we emerged from the stuffy atrium. Jason shuffled Willis down the front walk toward a waiting line of cabs and cars.

  I stopped and considered my options. Go back inside and steal enough to try and make a dent in Hannah’s debt, or make sure Willis got home safely. The pull of protecting my sister was strong, enough so that I took a step backward. But when Willis turned to look at me, his glasses just as lopsided as his smile, a nagging warmth erupted in my chest. I tapped my clutch, the weight of Todd’s wallet giving me the hope of instant cash.

  Jason dropped Willis into the cab, then stood waiting for me.

  I knew I’d regret passing up on the smorgasbord of goodies inside, but my feet carried me toward Willis.

  “You kids have fun tonight.” Jason kissed me on the cheek, then guided me into the cab.

  “Thanks.” I sat, and he closed the door.

  “Willis, where’s your apartment?”

  He mumbled and leaned back against the grubb
y seat. I grabbed his wallet and flipped to his ID. After giving the cabbie his address, I scooted next to Willis, who draped his arm across my shoulders.

  “Exquisite.” He pulled me against his chest and rested his chin on my crown. “Fucking hot, you know?”

  I laughed against his lapels and relaxed in his arms. “Thanks.”

  “So hot but”—he hiccuped—“not so great at the advice. Wait, where are we?”

  “We’re going to your place.” I pulled back and stared into his eyes.

  “My place?” His eyes flicked to my lips.

  I straightened his glasses. “Yes.”

  His hand roved down my back, pressing against the curve of my ass. “Spending the night?”

  “No.” I pressed my thighs together to dull the buzz he’d started there. “I’m just making sure my cash cow stays safe.”

  He massaged my hip. “You have a cow?”

  I laughed. “You’re drunk.”

  “Naahh.” He lifted me into his lap.

  “Hey.” I flattened my hands on his chest. “You are frisky when you’re blitzed.”

  “What’s your name?” He brushed my hair out of my face.

  “Scarlet.”

  He snickered. “No, I’m Scarlet. You’re someone else.”

  “I told you. My license says Scarlet Rocket.”

  Sliding his hands to my waist, he gripped me. “I could tickle it out of you.”

  Laughter, the pure sort that comes from down deep, rolled out of me. “You could try.” I leaned close so I could whisper in his ear. “But I’ll warn you. I fight dirty.”

  He groaned, a rumble against my chest as he nuzzled into my hair. “Devil.”

  The taxi slowed and stopped in front of a residential building on the edge of the East Village.

  “Nice, Sparky.” I dug around in Todd’s wallet and fished out some cash for the driver.

  Getting Willis out of the back seat took some pulling, but he eventually made it to his feet.

  “I’m fiiiine.” He hiccupped and missed the step up to the curb, tumbling to the ground.

  The doorman to his apartment rushed out and helped me get Willis off the sidewalk.

  “Looks like Mr. Halloran had a fun night.”

  “I think I drove him to drink.” I draped one of Willis’s arms across my shoulders and hustled him across the sidewalk as the doorman helped keep him steady from the other side.

  “She did. Gene, there was this woman.” Willis grabbed Gene’s jacket and swayed in the doorway. “She had the crazy eyes.”

  Gene nodded. “I’m far too familiar with crazy-eyed women, Mr. Halloran. Say no more.” He helped us to the elevator and hit the button for the twelfth floor. “If you can’t find his keys, come back down, and I’ll see what I can do.”

  “Thanks.” I felt around in Willis’s pockets as the elevator doors closed and we rose smoothly to his floor. Snagging his keys from his side pocket, I supported him as we swayed to the only door on the short hallway. The key slid smoothly, and the white door swung inward.

  “Lights?” I slapped around on the wall next to the door until I found a paddle switch.

  An overhead glow illuminated a wide living room with worn but comfortable furniture. Light wood floors gave a warm feel to the masculine room. An open kitchen sat off to the left, and two doors opened to the right. I could make out the shape of a bed from the ambient city light in the room closest to the windows.

  “Let’s go.” I edged around his leather sofa and pulled him past a writing desk and worn chair. His bedroom was mostly neat except for a few dress shirts tossed across a side chair, as if he couldn’t decide which one to wear to the party. I dropped him on the bed. He made an “oomph” sound and lay where he fell on the navy duvet.

  My body practically floated from the loss of his heavy weight. Rolling my shoulders, I kicked my shoes off and knelt to unlace his oxfords. They came off quickly, and I yanked on his arm until he cooperated and got situated in the bed like a normal person.

  I lifted his crooked glasses off and set them on his nightstand. Without the thick plastic frames, he was definitely more Superman than Clark Kent. Gorgeous.

  He stared at me with glassy eyes and brushed his fingers through my hair, rubbing it between his thumb and forefinger. “Why are there two of you?”

  I snorted. “Get some sleep.”

  He grabbed my wrist as I started to rise from the bed. “Stay?”

  “I need to get back to my place.”

  “Just for a little while?” He let me go and shrugged out of his jacket, then tossed it to the floor. “I won’t try anything with either of you. Promise.”

  His bedside clock read ten o’clock. Early, really, for a weekend. Hannah wouldn’t expect me home till well after midnight. But that didn’t mean staying was a good idea. I bit my lip, considering.

  “Come on. I’ll tell my dick to be quiet. No talking from any ex-girlfriends.”

  His puppy-dog eyes and ridiculous assertion melted my resistance. “Only for a little while. And no funny business.”

  “None.” He tried to salute but smacked himself in the eye instead. “Yow.”

  “Calm down.” I put his hand back to his side and crawled into bed next to him. Slinging one arm across him, I rested my cheek on his bicep. “Just for an hour.”

  “An hour, okay.” He yawned. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “For getting me home and everything.”

  “Technically, Todd’s cash got you home.”

  He shook with laughter. “Fucker. Served that douche canoe right.”

  I tended to agree. Todd was my typical mark—wealthy, full of himself, and in need of a good kick in the ass. By stealing from them when they least expected it, I was almost doing them a service. See, Todd? Things won’t go your way every time. Important life lesson learned.

  “Does this mean there’s three of me?” Willis turned his head and pressed his lips to my hair.

  “Hmm?” I should have told him to knock it off, but his little touches of affection soothed my rougher edges. Besides, he wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning.

  “There’s two hot, amazing Scarlets that I can see, and there’s also me, Scarlet. That’s three Scarlets. We could have a threesome.”

  I smirked. “Go to sleep.”

  “Just a little nap, then I’ll wake up and talk you into some funny business.”

  “Sure you will.”

  “I’m glad we finally agree on something.”

  He quieted and soon his breathing evened out, and I knew he was asleep. I should have gotten up and left right then, but his bed was warm, and I was comfortable.

  Just for an hour. I snuggled against him and closed my eyes.

  Firm lips on my shoulder pulled me from sleep. I was pressed against Willis, his minty fresh breath wafting to my nose as he dropped kisses along my skin.

  “Sparky!” I pulled back and winced against the morning light. “What are you doing?”

  He shrugged but didn’t back off. “Waking you up?”

  I arched an eyebrow. “With your lips?”

  He dotted a kiss on my nose. “Seemed like a good idea.”

  “You aren’t hungover?”

  “Yeah, but one look at you in my bed sort of turned things around for me.”

  I looked over his shoulder to the sunlight streaming in. “What time is it?”

  He pressed a kiss to my neck, sending goosebumps down my body. “Nine-ish.”

  “I can’t think when you’re kissing me like that.” Hannah was probably worried sick. I had to get home.

  “I can’t think when I’m kissing you like this, either.” He grazed his teeth along my shoulder. “Now, about that spanking we discussed last night.” His lips pressed a warm kiss right below my ear, and I clutched his shoulders. He’d stripped off his dress shirt, and wore only a white undershirt.

  “We can’t.” I wanted to. His firm body pressing against mine set off an
explosion of need inside me. I’d been suffering through quite a dry spell, especially with this Hannah mess bearing down on me. How had I even slept through the night? I hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep from the moment she’d told me about her debt to Pauly.

  “Hey.” He pulled back to face me. “What’s going on in your mysterious noggin?”

  I palmed his cheek. “I was just thinking how cute you are.”

  “That’s the spirit.” He moved in for another kiss, but I turned away.

  “And how we’re working together.”

  He groaned and buried his face in the crook of my neck. “I was going to, you know, put that on the back burner for the moment.”

  “That doesn’t sound like you.” I ran my hands through his mussed hair. “Where’s my uptight Sparky?”

  “He’s here, but he was trying to throw caution to the wind and go for it.” He shook his head gently. “I brushed my teeth and everything.”

  “I appreciate your effort.”

  “You just looked so—”

  “Pretty?” I offered.

  “Yes.” He smirked. “Pretty here in my bed. I gave myself a pep talk in the bathroom and figured I’d try to romance you a little.”

  “Just a little?” I couldn’t resist the temptation to tease him. Hadn’t been able to from the first moment we met.

  “Okay, a lot.” He stole a quick kiss.

  I wanted to stay and have a quick no-strings-attached romp in his bed, but I knew that wasn’t how it worked—not when the thought of it sent me spinning. There was too much at stake for me to ruin it by letting my emotions decide my actions. No matter how cute his stubble looked in the morning light, or how thick his erection felt against my leg and–oh my god, how could I turn this down?

  Disentangling myself, I sat up and straightened my dress. Priorities. I grabbed my small bag and slung it over my shoulder.

  He flopped on his back and watched me stand and slip on my shoes. “You’re right. This would be a bad idea.” His gaze slid down my body. My nipples came to attention, and he definitely noticed, his eyes focusing there.

  “Up here, Sparky.”

  “Right.” He licked his lips and stood. “I’ll walk you out.”